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lifeaccordingtokarisma:

So i am about to go eat dinner and my ex-boyfriend calls me.

We barely talk as it is, but he was saying like “oh i miss you, we need to hangout sometime soon” etc…and then he asked how me and greg were. which greg is just a friend, and he has always known this, but like he was always jealous of him. and he still thinks i like him. which i don’t. but before we hung up he is like “i really miss talking to you, tell me when you are free.

I don’t know what any of this meanssss. like, what do you guys think?

 okayy. that little answer box wouldnt hold everything i wanted to say.  first off, im sorry, this does sound awfully confusing. second, did he sound terribly condescending? how did he sound when he said this? if his voice dropped even a little and he sounded more serious for a moment, then yes. i’d say he’s telling the truth. and you could always talk to him. just dont get too close or intimate with him. ya know? like…just talk to him.

Why does tumblarity fall so quickly?
I swear I blogged yesterday and it just fell 6.

lifeaccordingtokarisma:

What the fuckk? parents SUCKK. I am grounded, because i was ‘rude’ about not wanting my moms help, then her bitching at me and then me saying “you started talking to me first, i am just letting you yell.” and so mylaptop is taken away. sneaking on the homecomputer currently. no aim=FUCKK.

If you are daisyy: respond to this and tell me about your day if anything happened!

If you are Kara: pleaseeee post a thing on tco about me not being able to go at all or anything. i cannot sneak on to that without my laptop, which the bitch took.

MAJOR FML. i fuckin hate her. again PARENTS SUCK BALLS.

 im so sorry, love =[
that sucks
i’ll definately post a PA for you.
do you still have your cell or not?

Is it bad when you’ve finally had enough, and eventually you just stop…well…feeling? Im not happy, nor am I sad. I’m not anxious or nervous or excited or anything really. I just am.

today is finally over.
I guess I never learn.
Last night I thought sleep would cure everything and it didnt.
Yet tonight, I’m hoping it will cure everything again.
Just to be let down tomorrow when everything is still the same.
Oh well.
Good night web world.
The stars twinkle somewhere under the dark clouds and I take comfort in that.

I’m not using this in the normal sense. My happily ever after for now would be that my dad was back to normal. My dad lived with us and actually loved us. My mom wouldnt be so snippy all the time and would stop stressing. My brothers would get along. If you haven’t guessed already, none of that is true.
None of that will happen.
Not now.
There’s no hope for a miracle anymore.
Not when the papers are being accumulated.
Not when soon I’ll be a child of divorced parents.
I don’t get it. Why? My happily ever after just got scratched out, crumpled up, and thrown in the trash bin.  I can’t do this. The tears, the pain, already it sucks.
I just want my happily ever after.

It’s funny how sleep can do so much and so little for your mind.
Maybe a little sleep would ease my mind on this growing drama between me and my supposed best friend.
Maybe I would wake up knowing what to do.
Maybe when I got up, my stomach wouldnt be turning and I wouldn’t be feeling like crap.
That’s the funny thing about life; maybe must be the most overused word in the dictionary.
None of the above happened.

I found myself on the blue front step of my best friend’s house.  Looking up at his door, I did not hesitate in just walking in the house without knocking.  We had been best friends since preschool when we were the only two kids in our class that didn’t cry and sob about leaving our mothers.  I took a big whiff of the air because it always soothed my moods; it always smelled like cinnamon and air freshener.  Dalton’s room was up the spiraling staircase, down the hall, and the third door on the right.  Finally taking the time to knock, I waited impatiently for him to open the door.
“Eolande?” he asked.  I could have slapped him for using my Arethusa name, it was supposed to be secret and if anyone else had been behind the door, questions might have come up.  He was just pulling my chain though so I let it slide this one time.
“Dalton, it’s me. Can I come in?” I asked shakily, my earlier anger was starting to boil once more.
“Uh, sure; what’s wrong?” he asked hesitantly, opening the door to let me through.
“It’s my mom, Dalton.  She’s such a lying freak!”  I screamed.
Dalton looked shocked as he put his hand on my back and guided me toward his couch so I could sit down.  Looking at me through his black shaggy hair, his crystal blue eyes seemed to scream at me.
“What did she do now?”
“She vowed to me that I knew everything about her; I didn’t though.  She broke an Arethusa vow,” I said gravely.  I didn’t expect Dalton to understand since he was merely a Tressa, but it was nice having someone I could tell; even if it was forbidden and I wasn’t supposed to talk to Tressa’s about my Arethusa life.
“I know I’m just another human to you fairies but why are vows such a big thing?” he asked. His eyebrows crinkled in confusion and thought.
“To the Arethusa, promises are no longer promises.  They are bigger than promises and if broken, it is punishable by years in our Poj prisons.  To the Arethusa, vows are no longer vows.  They are you promising with your life that whatever you say is true.  If broken, it can be punishable by death.” I explained.
I watched as the blood from Dalton’s face drained down and suddenly he was very pale and ashen looking.  Worried, I put a hand to his cheek.
“Dalton, are you okay?” I asked worriedly.
“You’re not g-going to…k-kill your mother, are you?” he stuttered.  I was shocked that he would suggest such a thing, of course I wouldn’t. 
“No!  That’s a ridiculous thing to think!  Murder of our own kind is punishable by death too,” I sputtered off the top of my head.
“Oh, good,” Dalton breathed a sigh of relief and suddenly his cheeks were pink again.
“I’m thinking of running away…” I said softly, hoping maybe he hadn’t heard.  Leaning closer to my mouth, he turned his ear toward me and said, “What did you say?”
“I said…I think I’m going to go to Breena; even better, maybe I’ll find Faylinn.  Find my ancestors and maybe live there.”
With a determined look, Dalton got up and grabbed his school backpack.  He turned it upside down and started shoving some of his clothes and all of his money in it.
“What are you doing?!” I screech.
“If you’re leaving on this journey, so am I.  I won’t let you go there alone.  You told me it was dangerous and I don’t want you hurt,” he said in a muffled voice because his head was in the closet.
Shock coursed through my body and it was almost painful because Arethusa aren’t supposed to be able to feel shock.
“Y-you can’t do that!  It’s n-not safe for you.  I am not supposed t-to tell the Tressa anything about us.  Its top secret…I’d get in trouble.  Dalton, please.  You can’t do that!” I pleaded.
“Why the hell not, Elena? I mean, Eolande?”He asked knowing that I would flinch at him using my Arethusa name on purpose.
“Don’t curse, Dalton.  It’s unbecoming.  I don’t want you hurt, and the way we’re traveling is too dangerous for Tressa.  As much as I love you, you wouldn’t last long on the journey…” I lied partially.  He would survive if I had anything to do about it, but it was a difficult journey and most Tressa would not make it.
“I would do anything for you, Elena; seriously.  I…” he seemed to stop here and a fierce determined look came into his light crystal blue eyes.  He quickly strode over to me on the couch, and sat down next to me once more.  Taking my hand in his right hand, he brushed a lock of my hair out of my eyes with his left and all of a sudden, it seemed very intimate in the room.
“Ever since I met you, Elena, you have completely turned my life upside down. Not that I really remember what it was like before preschool.  Still, you understand what I mean.  I guess what I’m trying to say is…I love you,” he said.
My head was spinning and it felt like his room was suffocating me.  I found it ironic since I had been in his room millions of times without realizing how tiny it actually was.
“I…have to go. Bye,” I said, quickly getting up from his couch and heading toward the door.
“Elena, please…I’m not letting you go to Breena alone, even if it means following you at a distance and being alone.  Then I’d be in even a worse situation than if I was with you,” he said quietly, “I won’t say those three words anymore if that’s what freaked you out…”
My heart tugged and I had no idea on earth or in Breena why it did; I wasn’t in love with him…I thought.
“Fine.  I’ll talk to you later,” I whispered, and I couldn’t believe I had succumbed to his request.  Maybe he was secretly part Arethusa and had more of Elvena’s blood in him since he seemed to be able to convince me to do just about anything.
Walking out of his house, I focused on walking back to my house even though I wasn’t ready to face my mother.  With my head down and my mind racing, I could have easily been stopped by a police officer for looking lost.  Tressa police were the least of my worries; my biggest one was how to keep not only myself but also Dalton alive on this quest to Breena while sneaking behind my mothers back.

Chapter 1

“Eolande Raisa, pay attention young lady!  Your Arethusa lessons are very important!” my mother snapped at me.  I usually hated her lessons so I would zone and it bothered my mother badly.  As of late, I truly have been listening though because if I am to carry out my plan I need to learn as much as possible about the lands and ways of the Arethusa.  My mother was and still is one of the smartest Arethusa though, so it would be terribly hard to trick her.  That was the reason I had to act as if I was still bored to pieces by her lessons.
“Sorry, mother.  Why is it important though? It’s not like you will allow me to ever see Breena myself.  If I am not in Breena, why do I need to know the history of it?” I asked, adding a yawn at the end to heighten my act.
“We have gone over this a myriad of times, Eolande.  Even here in the Tressa world; a true citizen would learn about their heritage even though they live in America.  Your heritage is everything; it makes you who you are.  You will never be able to deeply understand who Eolande Raisa is unless you understand where you came from.  Do you hear me, Eolande?” My mother said in a stern and controlled voice.  Although her voice could deceive anyone, her eyes were lit up in rage; I knew that I was causing her a migraine.
“Here I am not, Eolande Raisa though,” I said truly exasperated,” I am Elena Renwick here. I am a normal teenager here. I do not need to know the past history of Eolande Raisa if I am Elena Renwick!”
“Your alias is Elena Renwick, in your heart and your true being you are Eolande Raisa.  I can’t explain how important this is for you to understand, darling.  No one here could handle knowing the truth – “my mother started saying, but I quickly and sharply cut her off.
“The truth? The truth?!  They can’t handle the truth. The tressas are too dumb and dense to understand the truth. What is the truth, mother? WHAT is the truth?!  We’re living a lie here!  Your job, you don’t truly like selling houses do you? Realty. What good does that do us especially if we moved back to Faylinn.  I am not a seventeen year old girl.  I am a two hundred and forty seven year old fairy!” I shouted.  Blood was rushing to my pale almost porcelain cheeks.  My mother was holding her head high and I could see she thought this was just another teenage angst breakout.  
“Eolande, the truth,” she took a deep breath, “is that we are the Arethusa.  Fairies are the Tressa term for us; Arethusa is what Mother Nature deemed us when the first Arethusa was born.  The first Arethusa was a female named Elvena.  Mother Nature then created a male partner for her named Aelfric.  Aside from Mother Nature, Elvena and Aelfric are our original beings; their blood runs in our veins.  Elvena and Aelfric had mighty powers though.  Elvena had very strong willing powers; it was rumored she could make even the greatest witch or warlock succumb to her request.  Aelfric on the other hand, was told to have the voice of an angel.  His singings did much more than entertain the woodland creatures, depending on the song and his lyrics he could cure even the toughest of diseases…it is rumored that his seeing could even cause destruction.  A trillion years or more later, I was born to Tenanye, one of the greatest Queens to ever be in Faylinn and ruling over Breena; she is my mother.  Around one thousand years later, you were born to me.  Your grandmother had just passed away, and I got notice from one of the lower Poj members that the high Poj were initiating Brokk.  Everyone knew and loved Brokk because he had devilish pixie looks and good manners that would make even your grandmother fall in love with him.  I used to date him though and on more than one occasion had he told me his grand master plan.  He wants to steal the Arethusa secret book and use the secrets in it to harm all Tressas and either kill them or turn them into Arethusa.  You know yourself that if someone is turned into an Arethusa without the blood of Elvena or Aelfric in them that they eventually will become delusional and turn against every Arethusa they meet.  So his plan was not one that I would support him with; I first tried to convince him not to do that, but later on, when he didn’t listen to me I threatened to leave him.  Brokk got mad, well, mad is an understatement.  He attempted to kill me.  No one believed me and so I knew that he was beyond reasoning.  Back to what I was saying earlier, when I heard the high Poj was going to initiate Brokk, I knew I had to leave.  He would fool everyone and Breena and Faylinn would be in danger.  So I took my new baby daughter and left for the Tressa world.  I told no one except for Aelfdane because he was my greatest and closest friend.  Now you are growing up, and you need to learn the ways of your people although you will never see it with your own eyes.  Do you understand, Eolande?”
My mouth stood agape; she had never told me this story before.  How could she?  I was her daughter, her own blood and kin.  The thought of my mother dating Brokk Eitri repulsed me more than the thought of dying at a dragon’s mouth. 
“I see you are willing to cooperate now,” my mother mistakenly said.  She took my silence to be that of cooperation and respect; she couldn’t have been anymore wrong.  My silence was out of pure shock and disbelief.  All at once I felt the air rush back into my lungs and I was screaming at the top of my lungs.
“YOU LYING TRUTH SLANTING LADY WHO CALLS HERSELF MY MOTHER!  You never thought THAT was important enough to tell me before?  Don’t tell me that I was too young to hear it before, because I remember my bedtime stories when I was five were about brave warriors getting beheaded in battle.  I can’t look at you. I’m going somewhere. Don’t ask where because I. Don’t. Know!”
This time it was my mother’s turn to stand agape.  It was almost comical and under any other circumstances I probably would have laughed.  My mother looked exactly like me, but more mature and with shorter blonde hair.  I quickly got up off our living room couch and walked to the door.  With my hand on the knob, I turned back to my mother one last time.
“I can’t believe it…you kept that from me,” I said with disbelief coloring my words.  Maybe it didn’t seem like such a big deal to anyone else, but my mother had vowed to me that I knew absolutely everything there was to know about her.  Obviously my mother had broken that vow and that alone was an action, in Breena, that resulted in punishment.  Walking out the door was one the easiest things I had ever done.  I felt no attachment to her as I walked down the creaky front steps.  The sunlight was high above and the rays kissed my face hello.  The wind gently and almost teasingly lifted the ends of my long blonde hair and I couldn’t help but smile.  That’s what we Arethusa live for; we live for nature.